The other day I was browsing the Cleo Bachelor of The Year website, learning about the ideal man, when my mouse pointer stumbled across this …
The website seemed to be asking me who would I choose? Who would I pick out of these two perfect men? I sat in the glow of my laptop perplexed. I really didn’t know. I didn’t want either. I started stressing out. Fuck, I had absolutely no idea. Such a simple task and I couldn’t do it. Rob Mills, Aaron Edwards, Rob Mills, Aaron Edwards, Rob Mills, Aaron Edwards. Rob Mills was on Australian Idol once, I’m pretty sure he became some sort of heart throb for teenage girls despite being not very talented and having an annoying face. Aaron Edwards is a relatively small name player in the AFL. His most notable claim to fame was getting drunk at one of those Day on The Green concerts one summer and being found rolling down a hill in his underwear.
This was tough. Beads of sweat started to appear at my brow. My knee was shaking. And then I realised something. A wave of cool washed over me. I relaxed. I realised this doesn’t matter, I didn’t need to choose. I’m not even gay and even if I were they’d be out of my league and unlikely to go on a date with me anyway. Relieved, I got up and did some sit ups and squat thrusts so one day I too could be photographed in black and white, shirtless, wearing ripped jeans. mj
